10 Ways to Prove You’re Not a Zombie

A handy list for a zombie apocalypse

In the event your neighborhood is overrun by them, there are ways to prove you are not a zombie. There are zombies all over the place, lately. Not on the street where I live, obviously, or I’d be a lot more upset right now, and hardly able to write this. I might even be missing some key typing fingers.

No, these ubiquitous zombies are all over the television and movies.

Zombies are very popular and should be making some of the money from all this attention. But I’ll bet no one has thought of Zombie Profit Sharing. Zombies may not need the funds necessarily, but that’s for them to decide. They should have the right to earn money from their clueless efforts and then make brainless decisions on how to spend it, same as the rest of us.

At any rate, should zombies overrun the place, how would you prove you weren’t one to the non-zombie population who shoots first and asks questions later? Assuming they will even bother with questions.

If I was sitting here, as I usually am, wearing my raggedy old clothes, and hadn’t brushed my hair, my eyes barely open, it’s possible someone could mistake me for a zombie.

In fact, it’s happened a few times.